I am going to a Masquerade Ball tomorrow and I just got done with part of my costume. I still need to make a skirt and an undershirt. It took me three days to finish my corset. It was very time consuming, especially after I made the biggest mistake ever.
Today I'm not sure how I feel about my singleness. It sucks that I am starting all over again. I'm kinda excited to see if I will meet someone new but then again I don't know how they will measure up. It's funny, as many problems as we had and as hard as we fought sometimes I knew that he loved me with his all. I just think that he gave up on the things that made him happy. I don't think he feels that he deserves happiness. I'm not sure if I can find someone who I will love as much as I love him or who will love me the same way he loved me. It's a scary thought.
What is also scary is that I have a strange fear that someone I meet will end up killing me. I watch waaaay too much E! True Hollywood Story. There is always that story of that guy who gets married then murders his family and that terrifies me.
What is even scarier is that maybe I will meet someone I love even more. Who loves me even more. How could I possibly love someone else more that how much I love him? Then again loving someone is sometimes easy especially when the person you love makes it easy for you to love them. I still have that sad hope that maybe he will call me and tell me he has made a mistake but I think another hope, a hope that I will love again, is getting bigger than my sad hope.
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