Realizations

So I have made some realizations about my life with my now ex. I realized that though I love him, he isn't the same person he once was. Don't get me wrong, I love who he is now but those changes made him more difficult to be with. In the past 2 years people he loved passed away and 4 years ago his grandpa passed away. It was all very hard on him and gave him a much more pessimistic view on things. When we first got together he was pessimistic but slowly that dissolved away, but after all the things that have happened in the past six and half years it's come back. I think the hardest thing he had to deal with was his friend that passed away from colon cancer. His friend was in his 50's and had no family, so when he passed away he left my ex with the responsibility of taking care of his estate and taking his ashes to his home town in Oregon. Two days after he took his friends ashes to Oregon he found out his dad, who he was estranged from, passed away. Then another friend that he hadn't spoken with in a long time passed away as well. That was the worst time for our relationship. After that all he did was pick fights. He didn't know how to handle what was going on. I feel so sad that all these things happened to him and that there was nothing I could do or say to make him feel better. It frustrates the hell out of me that I still can't do something.

I also realized that I don't think that he can be what I need right now. I kinda appreciate that he saw that as well. It still sucks though. I wanted him to lean on me for support. I wanted to help him get through the tough spots like he has helped me. I hope that he can work his life out. I wish that I could be a part of his life after he gets everything handled.