As my anger fades away...

It is really hard to stay angry about something when it happened in the past. When I think about him all I feel is contempt, but my life is so great right now that I can't let someone as stupid and as unkind as he is, and was, to drag me down. I am so happy about where I am now. I'm living for me and I know for a fact I am going to meet someone who is wonderful and deserves me very soon. I now know that my ex never deserved me and he was borderline verbally abusive sometimes. I wasn't a peach either, but damn my eyes were closed so tight when it came to him and now they wide open. I think this may be my last post about him. I hope it is. The only way I am going to post about him again is if he contacts me, which if he does I'm going to tell him to go away in a not so nice manner. I am going to focus solely on me and my life because he is my past and I am my future. I refuse to let his stupidity and unkindness shape who I am.

Outrage

As the day goes on I am becoming more and more angry about everything. How dare he! How fucking dare he do that to me. What a freaking piece of shit. I wonder if he can look in the mirror. He probably can because he is a narcissist and doesn't think anything he does is wrong. Everyone else is wrong, not him. I am so completely and utterly disgusted. I hope that karma will pay him back. Well I know it will. As I know karma will get me for all the things I've done, good and bad. I do have to say that he has the propensity to screw his life up. He did it so many times while we were together, it's no wonder he felt the need to lie to make himself feel better about who he really is and what was going on in his life. Sadly what was really going on this time was probably more interesting than the lies.

I never posted about the new guy again because things never worked out. It was taxing to be with him. His energy drained me.

Today I am writing because I just found out that my ex, who I wrote all this about, lied to me. I feel so sick. How could I have been so gullible. My head and my heart hurt. Thank god I have been mending my shinning star heart. Maybe the next guy will be someone who deserves it, because I don't think I can take this kind of pain again.

How do I trust again?

A new love?

Okay, so over the past few months I had been going on a few dates and met a couple nice guys and they really just weren't for me. I felt like I wasn't going to find someone...


I met someone.


It was strange at first because getting him to talk to me was like pulling teeth. He is so quiet and shy when you first meet him. Our second date was three days after our first cause he was going out of town and wanted to see me before he left. We have been seeing each other since the end of January. Our first date was the 22nd. I'm counting time, lol I guess that means I'm kinda serious about him. Anyways he has been slowly opening up to more and more, and I like what I am finding out about him. He is a funny, kind, and honorable guy. I went out with him last night and I can feel myself slowly falling down that slippery slope that is love. It terrifies me cause I don't want to get hurt again. Ugh, why do these things have to be so hard? I guess I'm going to just have to see where this one goes...